I wrote most of this a few weeks ago, but hadn’t gotten around to posting it.
I guess you could say that today is a big day. I finished my last chemotherapy treatment on April 10th, about 4 weeks ago. Today I repeat the PET Scan to see if the treatments have worked, and the cancer is gone.
A positive scan leads to the need for more treatment, more chemotherapy, more spinal injections, more hospitalizations, and more of whatever else the doctor determines is the appropriate course. A negative scan means no more cancer, and leads to continued monitoring every few months to catch it early if it comes back.
The reality is that either way, life will go on.
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be cancer free. I would love to be done with treatments and hospitals. I would love to move on with my life. I would love to get “back to normal.” This journey has been mentally and physically exhausting. Yet, it has not been impossible. The oncologist told me that many people don’t continue treatment after Cycle 1. The treatment is very intense, and apparently it’s really hard on the body, but the good news is that it works. Luckily for me, I was too ignorant to know any different, so the “intense treatment” was just normal to me. There was more than once that I wanted to quit the treatment, although there was no way that Joy was letting that happen. There were more than a few days that I was absolutely miserable and depressed and wanted to give up. The physical strength faded quickly with chemo, but finding the mental strength to carry on was key. For me that has been focusing on God and my family. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13.
On the flip side… if the results still show cancer, it will be okay. Of course I will be disappointed, but I’ve been doing this long enough that it may just seem like another bump in the road. The main thing is that life will carry on. I will keep doing treatment, and keep striving to be cancer-free. I will try to remain mentally strong and focused by drawing strength from God, because I certainly haven’t made it this far relying on my own strength. We will just wait and see where it all leads.
But for now, we wait for the PET Scan scheduled this afternoon. Then we will wait for the appointment to discuss the results tomorrow morning.
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5